First Challenge

by annisarofi 12:49 AM 0 comments Chemical Engineer College Life Freshmen Year

As what I wrote in my previous posts, being engineering student is not easy. It's not like that I don't know anything about engineering or that I haven't talk to anyone about this but, I never expect it is this hard.  I know that everyone in my class, the whole people in chemical engineering or even every single engineering student is a smart one, or, freaking smart. I believe that, but being the one that is having hard time within those smart people, that upsets me.

Actually I haven't had any serious thought about me being in engineering until my lecturer gave us our first quiz on physics. I so remember that day, when I received my paper and, the grade was, just so,
well it was just horrible.
*sigh*
When I say it's horrible, it is horrible, and that makes me worried. Like really. I've never been this worry about my grades before. I literally never have a really meaningful worrisome about grade since I start school. I was considered as one of those smart students who will get to understand lessons easily (not to show off. When you understand engineering, you'll know that this is really not one of the things worth showing off. No one will really care about how you do during high school, they just care about how you do now.) And so this will be one of the biggest challenge I need to face in my freshmen year.

I've just done my mid-term exams. And yes, It was not easy. I did study hard but, it's just too difficult to catch up with the lectures. Not enough with those, I have a heart breaking moment on my first day of exams. That day, right after we finished our math, we gathered in one place (we=all chemical engineering students class of 2013). I didn't know what's going on and no one did. I didn't have any special thought, I wasn't interested in guessing either. Everyone's focus were still in the exam, while one of my friends makes us to be quiet and start to talk.
It was a really shocking news for me. It's also because, I never expect it.
What was going on?
One of my friend decided to quit. Ya, keluar dari Tekkim.
I don't know it just somehow surprises me a lot, and I feel like it happened too fast. My friend told us why he would quit from engineering. He said one of the reason is because he has difficulties with the lectures and he feels like he doesn't belong in here anymore. He feels like it's not his world and he's not meant to be here.
And bang!
That's what I feel.
No, not that I feel I'm not meant to be here but, I have the same difficulties as he does. Saya seperti mendapat tamparan keras. I mean, I know I have a hard time and I know I'm not the only one but deciding to quit is something that I thought will never happen, something that's too far from us, because it's difficult already to get to be here so for me the word 'quit' is just too much to be thought. But then I realize, it is not that far, it's even really close. It is something that's really possible to happen. And my next thought was, what about you, Cha? He's, your own friend, taking this decision. You, that have the same situation, what do you think? Taking the same decision? Or, will you make it here?
I can't think anything else. It shocked me a lot. I can't even hold my tears. I was in the very front line then I move to the last one so that my friends couldn't see me cry. But well they know it anyway.

After that heart-breaking day, I think a lot about so many things. But it never ended up of me thinking to take the same decision as my friend. All I can think is that I need to work harder, and that I'm not alone, I have lots of friends that will be beside me and will be kindly helping each other. I was wondering how I can think that way, until I found this quotation:

"If it's something that came from your heart, no matter how hard it is or how bad you wanna give up, you keep going anyway"

That's exactly what I feel. And yes, being in chemical engineering is something that came from my heart :')